get past the break

Whatever it takes, just get past the break. 

In 2013, Hillsong United released Oceans.
In 2013 I went on my first mission trip to Romania.
In 2013 I ended things with who I thought was "the one".
In 2013 I began understanding who God had created me to be & who I was becoming.
In 2013 life flipped upside down, with no intention of returning back to what I was comfortable with.

Oceans was my theme song, and up until recently I have regretted it ever since. The lyrics to the song are so incredibly powerful, and at the time I didn't know what I was asking. I didn't understand what I was truly proclaiming when I repeated over and over "...You call me out upon the waters...The great unknown where feet may fail...Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander..."  

Why did I ask to be taken deeper? A shallow life isn't all that bad. 
Why oh why did I ask God to take me into the unknown? I was comfortable right where I was.
Why did I ask to be taken to the water? I could have chosen a field. Fields are level & full of flowers.
Why did I ask God to take me out into the water, full of uncontrollable elements, where wind and waves battle? 

Since 2013 I've been on a daring adventure. 
Since 2013 I've tiptoed my way into the water. 
Since 2013 I've started to live a life that is far from comfort. 
Since 2013 I've made incredible friends who've taken me deeper than I thought possible. 

and
Since 2013 it's been really good & really hard. 
Since 2013 i've found myself floundering in the deep.
Since 2013 my faith has been tested more than I want to admit. 
Since 2013 i've been forgetful of who God is, and who He has called me to be. 

You see, it seems that since 2013: the year that I prayed boldly, sought courageously, followed unashamedly I forgot the basics. I forgot that I was the one who asked for this, I asked to go deeper, I asked to be uncomfortable. I'd taken my prayer request...what I'd asked for and started blaming God for how hard the last 2.5 years have been. In doing so I started questioning who God is. I started questioning His character, I started questioning His goodness, & as I began questioning I became stuck. I was already in the ocean, I had already left the shore but quickly found myself alone. I no longer trusted the embrace of a loving God. I no longer called upon His name. I didn't keep my eyes above the waves, but instead the waves were crashing all around me, all over me. I found myself stuck at the wave break. I was surrounded by fear, and had lost sight of God.

A few weeks ago I had a very clear vision of my current circumstance. I saw myself being pummeled by waves. wave after wave. Through people, through situations and decisions of others, Wave after Wave of fear, of shame, and uncertainty were crashing over me. it was leveling me. I was drowning and couldn't figure out which way was up. Thats when it hit me...I needed to move past the wave break. Everyone knows you don't swim in the ocean and stop where the waves break, you swim through it, you jump over it. However it may be, you find your way past the wave break where you can then freely relax and enjoy the warm sun on your skin and the stillness of the water. God didn't call me out into the Ocean to leave me at the wave break, He called me into the peace and stillness of his presence. 

So now in 2016 I reclaim that anthem, but with a greater understanding of what I am asking. That in the deep, my faith will stand, that as the waters rise I will call upon our God, that I will push through the wave break, that I will look to, and not away from the guiding hand of God. It's time to get past the wave break. It's time to dive back into the mystery, back into the deep and call upon the name of God. It's time to trust the provision, the faithfulness, and the goodness of God. Today, may we all seek to know him more, to pursue Him fervently, and to proclaim His sovereignty in all parts of our life. Today, I encourage you to push through your circumstance and into the hands of a loving and gracious God. 

"...in the knowledge of the Son of God...we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves..."
-Ephesians 3:13-14

xo,
at